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Hi, me again...

Hi sorry that I have not written anything lately but I have been preoccupied lately with school, I guess but I really need to vent right now though. My brother was at our house yesterday and he was going on and on about what a great guy our dad was and I just wanted to scream at him because he is such a liar. I mean I don't have many memories of him but what I do know is not good at all, in fact most of it is bad. When I was younger I used to think that he hung the moon and I really missed out on not knowing him; that was until I knew the truth about who he really was, a cheater, a liar, a coward, if you asked me. I mean he had two other children, while he was married to mom, one was a teenager that lived in our house, how sick is that? Of course my mom claims that she never knew about any of it but how could that have gone on in her house without her knowing about it? They ry to convince me that he was all about family but I'll never believe them because the facts don't backup any of their stories, that is all they are to me is stories about some stranger. I mean I do think that he loved us in his own way but I don't think that we always came first in his life, which is probably where my siblings got their bad habits of choosing someone over their children, and they always say that he didn't pass on any bad traits to them but yea he did. Then my brother had the nerve to bring up my other nieces and nephews that were taken away by children protective services, which still hurts me because I was really close with them, I used to babysit them ever weekend. I mean where was he when they were being taken away? I'll tell you where, stuck on some girl completely forgetting about us as he always does. The same as all the rest of my siblings do, they get so tangled up with someone that they completely loose their own identity, that will never happen to me ever, I won't let it. I remember Scott Jr. was my nephew's name, I was the last one to hold him, I guess that I thought that it would hurt less but I was wrong, it hurt more, it still hurts now more than 20 years later. My mom says what is the harm in letting people believe that things were the way that they wanted them to be instead of how they really were? I guess they are not hurting anyone pretending that is how things really were but I can't live in their pretend world, not anymore anyway. Sorry if this went on a bit longer that I expected but I really needed to vent, it helped me.





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January 2011